andrew (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} of_providence) wrote,@ 2008-01-10 23:50:00 |
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the 12AM list
-yesterday with lindsay was perfect. traversing our way up and down fifth avenue, getting lost, buying things out of the realm of my normal possibility. it made me hopeful for what could be 2 years down the line, she and i both in the city maybe even living together and talking our lives out while meeting friends at penn. it was just perfect.
-the dries van noten scarf. even more perfect.
-"a relationship is like couture. if it isn't a perfect fit, it's a disaster." -carrie bradshaw as quoted by lindsay denninger.
-i'm really lonely tonight. the first night without seeing anyone in several nights, confined to the walls of my room. it's weird how i can simultaneously turned off to the idea of adoration but terrified of ending up alone.
-joel?
-im in a very, very sad music phase. send me weepy songs.
-no country for old men. absolutely amazing.
-thea's coming on saturday. i miss her terribly.
-i can't wait for kt's on sunday. i hate how we have such a hard time seeing each other on the island sometimes. i love her so much.
-megan elyse krietsch is hereby not going to brno.
-last night happened. really? hah.
-how do i reconcile new paltz?
-is it okay to make ravioli at midnight?
-i want to delete every account i have on every gay oriented personals site and i dont know why i can't bring myself to do it for more than a few days.
-that's pretty sad.
-i want to stop having dreams.
-i hate that going into new paltz this coming semester i'm not looking forward to just being there. im looking forward to being in the studio all day and im looking forward to the penn state trip on february 14th. but the fact that im not looking forward--read: unbelievably anxious--about being there again really hurts. and it sucks. im scared of leaving what i've built here over the past 3 weeks. im scared that the cycle will begin again: not feeling heard so not opening up and feeling overwhelmingly alone in my room, that giant room with no one in it except me and qvc and iChat. when i've been alone here it's been circumstantial or because of my own doing, not because i've felt alienated or angry or afraid. i dont know if i can go back to that. i feel like because of new paltz this past semester i have this crushing feeling like i can never be close enough to anyone. no matter what, there will always be some sort of separation between me and _________.
-the rowing song by patty griffin. ugh.
-how am i going to fill my last week here?
-i dont want to wake up alone in this house tomorrow morning.
-woops. that's teh saddest thing i've ever written. haha.
-yesterday with lindsay was perfect. traversing our way up and down fifth avenue, getting lost, buying things out of the realm of my normal possibility. it made me hopeful for what could be 2 years down the line, she and i both in the city maybe even living together and talking our lives out while meeting friends at penn. it was just perfect.
-the dries van noten scarf. even more perfect.
-"a relationship is like couture. if it isn't a perfect fit, it's a disaster." -carrie bradshaw as quoted by lindsay denninger.
-i'm really lonely tonight. the first night without seeing anyone in several nights, confined to the walls of my room. it's weird how i can simultaneously turned off to the idea of adoration but terrified of ending up alone.
-joel?
-im in a very, very sad music phase. send me weepy songs.
-no country for old men. absolutely amazing.
-thea's coming on saturday. i miss her terribly.
-i can't wait for kt's on sunday. i hate how we have such a hard time seeing each other on the island sometimes. i love her so much.
-megan elyse krietsch is hereby not going to brno.
-last night happened. really? hah.
-how do i reconcile new paltz?
-is it okay to make ravioli at midnight?
-i want to delete every account i have on every gay oriented personals site and i dont know why i can't bring myself to do it for more than a few days.
-that's pretty sad.
-i want to stop having dreams.
-i hate that going into new paltz this coming semester i'm not looking forward to just being there. im looking forward to being in the studio all day and im looking forward to the penn state trip on february 14th. but the fact that im not looking forward--read: unbelievably anxious--about being there again really hurts. and it sucks. im scared of leaving what i've built here over the past 3 weeks. im scared that the cycle will begin again: not feeling heard so not opening up and feeling overwhelmingly alone in my room, that giant room with no one in it except me and qvc and iChat. when i've been alone here it's been circumstantial or because of my own doing, not because i've felt alienated or angry or afraid. i dont know if i can go back to that. i feel like because of new paltz this past semester i have this crushing feeling like i can never be close enough to anyone. no matter what, there will always be some sort of separation between me and _________.
-the rowing song by patty griffin. ugh.
-how am i going to fill my last week here?
-i dont want to wake up alone in this house tomorrow morning.
-woops. that's teh saddest thing i've ever written. haha.
