urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:of_providence andrew brisch08@newpaltz.edu andrew 2038-01-19T03:14:07Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:of_providence:86376 2038-01-19T03:14:07Z 2038-01-19T03:14:07Z i cant sleep.<br />so many dreams last night and the night before and the night before that.<br />im listening to come in from the cold by joni mitchell.<br />i don't want to go home tomorrow.<br />i don't want to drive past michael's house on the way out of new paltz and negotiate with myself whether or not i should look to see if his car is in the driveway (what would that do?).<br />i wish could be as receptive to sara as i know she wants me to be.<br />i want to be able to look into the future and see exactly what will happen. how long it will take before he'll call, if he'll ever call, if i'll stop caring long before i think that i will.<br />i just read journal entries from 2005. thinking how i was so different and that in some ways i'm still the same.<br />sometimes i want to be able to talk and talk and talk because i think that if i talk enough, everything possible to be said about someone will eventually be said. and when there's nothing left, it'll be gone and dead. two weeks later, i just want it to be dead.<br />he said to me recently that when he breaks up with someone, he processes it like they're dead. not the relationship, but the actual person.<br />i'm not dead, michael.<br />i hate andrew trying to get over someone. he is so hard to be with.<br />i wish i could fall asleep.